There was a time in life where I strived hard to build my career, I wanted all the normal things in life - the house, the husband, the family, the paycheck. I had all the above and plenty more to strive for.
Then along came a niggling sensation, an annoying little buzz that wouldn't go away.
Something is wrong.
That was it, the sensation to me said: something is wrong. I thought at first that it was me...
So I turned to self help books looking for an ah-ha - I learnt to live in the present moment, cope with change, develop career skills, I started reading biographies from successful people and discovered myself to be on this wonderful path of synchronicity - right when I was ready for the next topic, a friend would lend a book, or I'd see something in the bookshop, or come across a website.
It was an insatiable appetite for learning, discovering that had grown within, but I still hadn't placed my finger on the "what" of the sensation, that little buzz in the back of my head.
Each jigsaw piece was a something that went ah-ha, it resonated with that buzz, it said - Yes I am part of the puzzle of the "what" that you are looking for, and the puzzle grew and grew with every piece.
I went down many paths looking for answers and assimilated information on all sorts of alternative subjects, medicine and healing, geometry, ancient history, and out of all of this many more jigsaw pieces fell out. The most interesting subjects for me were around vibration and frequency. I discovered the golden mean, the royal cubit, and other measures, then I struck upon ley lines, the earth grids, and an artform called dowsing. There were other subjects, unpleasant ones, gold, law, historical wrongdoings. Pieces started falling faster. Some brilliant websites came into my field of view, and I soaked up link after link on all sorts of subject.
It is around then that the cognitive dissonance started.
I had so many pieces of this puzzle falling into place and I could see that they were linked, wherever I looked, whatever subject, there was another piece of the puzzle that fitted neatly together, I thought initially that I had discovered something amazing, how life was so completely interlocked but that turned very quickly into horror as I realised that this was the jigsaw of what was wrong. I had learned that so much has been twisted, turned upside down and I was very deliberately, along with everyone I knew, being kept in a constant state of struggle to prevent me from seeing this jigsaw. I couldn't fathom this, it rocked my core beliefs, I had to either ignore all this research or accept that the reality I was seeing in my jigsaw was more real than the reality I thought I had known.
Suddenly those matrix movies that I loved had a whole new point of reference for me. I had taken the red pill, I had fallen down the rabbit hole but I was not at the bottom...
.... oh no, I havn't even said any of those taboo words yet.
Where do I go from here? Well if you find that any of what I have said palletable so far then read on.
Perhaps you are falling down the rabbit hole too, maybe you found the bottom and want to hear how someone else found the journey, maybe you've seen enough to know that there is more to the story but have not yet decided which pill to take.
If you are the last then I have two words to give you: "Conspiracy Theory"
Are you still here?
Those two words when put together bring horrible images and sensations to mind. You want to run away from them, anyone espousing a theory you may wish to avoid, and debunking of the theories is a fantastic pass-time for anyone who likes trolling on the internet.
But what if I said that the words were taken and twisted, anyone with a conspiracy theory was portrayed as mentally unstable - think of the movie of the same name. You've been exposed to so many scenarios through TV and movie plots to "know" that a conspiracy theorist is just plain crackers.
But here's the kicker - a conspiracy by definition is a secret agreement between two or more parties to act together for mutual benefit by doing something unlawful or harmful. We could all agree that this happens - if it did not, we would not need courts. How many times do we see banks, businesses, corporations, businessmen being found guilty of breaking the law? Insider trading, the libor scandal, market rigging, you name it - those are all conspiracies.
The problem with this only happens when you put the word theory behind it. At this point a person would try to explain the who or the why. Normally they are not qualified enough to speak on the matter, don't have all the facts, or get messed up in the details and go way off track, making the whole thing seem absurd. But if the conspiracy is genuinely there, then all we have done is ignored the crime because the explanation of why was lacking in substantive evidence.
Back to my jigsaw puzzle... the biggest problem with the puzzle is the who and why. Why are all these things happening that are not in humanity's best interest? I don't know fully enough and I don't have supporting or corroborating evidence for enough of it to say fully.
What I can do, is lead you to the information that I found, and let you build your own jigsaw.
I apologise for sounding a little cliche at this point, but that rabbit hole is deep. If you're at the bottom, then you'll know what I mean, if you're still falling - do enjoy the trip.
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